Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Erasersaurus Dines and Dashes
It is difficult enough to be friends with a disembodied dinosaur head on a stick that both wears and eats miniature novelty erasers, but when he is blatantly disingenuous, it becomes downright aggravating. Case in point: today we went to a small restaurant run by a four-year-old girl (full disclosure: she's my daughter). The menu included steak, invisible fruit snacks, pink, yellow, and white milk, and, fortunately, erasers. Every item on the menu was only one dollar. Talk about affordable, right? Well, you'd think, anyway.
After commenting about the reasonableness of the prices at the Hello Kitty Bitty Food Restaurant, Erasersaurus went on a long and tedious whining rant about how he can't get a job ("no one will hire me; I don't have arms and people are prejudiced"), can't seem to afford even the most basic living expenses, and is constantly having to scrape in order to buy even the cheapest erasers to eat or wear. I've heard this spiel before, and it has gotten no less grating with the passage of time. What Erasersaurus fails to mention is that he considers himself "too good" for certain work, as he has an associate of arts degree in hotel/restaurant management. Why isn't he running a hotel, you might ask? Well DON'T ask, because you will simply be subjected to another recitation of the "prejudice" speech detailed above.
Our food was delivered and consumed, and when it was time to leave, I settled up with the waitress. When I returned to our table, Erasersaurus, who had praised the food and the service repeatedly, was no where to be found. To my utter humiliation I realized he had hopped out the door, pulling what is known as a "dine and dash" on the Hello Kitty Bitty Food Restaurant. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. To make matters even more distressing, he was actually caught by the child waitress, dragged back inside, and ordered to wash dishes - which he did, but only very begrudgingly. Waiting for him to finish was one of the most unpleasant and awkward experiences of my life.
I just don't know if I can continue our friendship. Especially after he pulled out a very expensive 3G phone the moment we finally left the restaurant after the dine n' dash debacle. "What?" he retored after I gaped at him, utterly gobsmacked. "I need it to look for jobs."