Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Erasersaurus Dines and Dashes

It is difficult enough to be friends with a disembodied dinosaur head on a stick that both wears and eats miniature novelty erasers, but when he is blatantly disingenuous, it becomes downright aggravating. Case in point: today we went to a small restaurant run by a four-year-old girl (full disclosure: she's my daughter). The menu included steak, invisible fruit snacks, pink, yellow, and white milk, and, fortunately, erasers. Every item on the menu was only one dollar. Talk about affordable, right? Well, you'd think, anyway.

After commenting about the reasonableness of the prices at the Hello Kitty Bitty Food Restaurant, Erasersaurus went on a long and tedious whining rant about how he can't get a job ("no one will hire me; I don't have arms and people are prejudiced"), can't seem to afford even the most basic living expenses, and is constantly having to scrape in order to buy even the cheapest erasers to eat or wear. I've heard this spiel before, and it has gotten no less grating with the passage of time. What Erasersaurus fails to mention is that he considers himself "too good" for certain work, as he has an associate of arts degree in hotel/restaurant management. Why isn't he running a hotel, you might ask? Well DON'T ask, because you will simply be subjected to another recitation of the "prejudice" speech detailed above.

Our food was delivered and consumed, and when it was time to leave, I settled up with the waitress. When I returned to our table, Erasersaurus, who had praised the food and the service repeatedly, was no where to be found. To my utter humiliation I realized he had hopped out the door, pulling what is known as a "dine and dash" on the Hello Kitty Bitty Food Restaurant. To say I was mortified would be an understatement. To make matters even more distressing, he was actually caught by the child waitress, dragged back inside, and ordered to wash dishes - which he did, but only very begrudgingly. Waiting for him to finish was one of the most unpleasant and awkward experiences of my life.

I just don't know if I can continue our friendship. Especially after he pulled out a very expensive 3G phone the moment we finally left the restaurant after the dine n' dash debacle. "What?" he retored after I gaped at him, utterly gobsmacked. "I need it to look for jobs."


1 comment:

  1. How dare you.


    I just found this when I was getting my own blog together for me and my band cause myspace sucks now but anyway I find this crap from someone whos supposed to be my friend?

    First off, you mispelt "restored" at the end there so I dont know why you think you're all mrs college.

    Anyway, youre painting me in a pretty bad light here. I just figured your kid would be cool with me not being able to pay cause its not like the bill was much, was it? Shit you could probly pay it with the change in the couch. And the dishes got done, right? I dont know what you are complaining about.

    And dont get on at me about jobs either because you know full well im disadvantaged. You try walking in my shoes for a day anmd see how you like it! For a start i dont even have any shoes. Or feet. But im still happy to work when it comes my way believe me.

    Ill be watching this one to make sure you dont slander me any more.

    PS - can you spot me twenty bucks til next week? Ill see you tomorrow to pick it up.